Today I get an email (openly cc’d to 5 other people) that starts out with:

(Bear in mind, Norwich is where I live)

From: amy.l.bialowas@us.hsbc.com
To: me
Date: September 24th, 2008
Subject: Job Employment at Beneficial Mortgage in Norwich CT

I appreciate you taking the time to speak with me today about the career opportunity that we have. As I stated during our conversation, there are a couple things that I need you to complete in order for us to get the hiring process started.

You will need to attach your resume to our company website and complete a brief personality assessment. Please allow yourself approximately 45 minutes to ensure completion.

Below are the instructions to complete:

-go to www.joinhsbcusa.com
-select “job search”
-enter requisition #77183
-Complete your profile, resume and the “PeopleAnswers Assessment”

**Please call me tomorrow at 11:30 at Beneficial Norwich CT 860-889-7341 to let me know that this has been completed**
I look forward to speaking with you again.

Sincerely,
Amy Bialowas
AVP Branch Sales Manager
Consumer & Mortgage Lending
HSBC North America
Norwich, CT 06360
Work# 860-889-7341
Fax# 860-889-6365

My reply (cc’d to all recipients):

Hiring Professional,

I don’t remember talking to you-today or ever. It would appear you are soliciting people for this position, am I right? If so, then please explain to me exactly which of my qualifications makes you think that I am perfect for this job, or that it is in line with my current career path. The latter should prove to be extremely difficult.

If you are contacting me, and apparently others, in an unsolicited fashion, then please disregard this email and take me off your lists to avoid my charging you an hourly rate to read and process your emails.

My current rate to process UCE/SPAM is $150/hour. There is no charge for this initial consultation, but charges will apply to all future correspondences.

Please feel free to contact me if you are interested in a quantity discount.

pat
:)

“So how can we use this Internet thing to get more money?”

Back in the day, we used to put our consulting rates for processing UCE/SPAM in our signatures!

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